poids

I have to personal blog sometimes and i haven't done it yet. So this is my first one. If you care to read, be my guest. If you don't, feel free to bypass. I guess I could have somehow blocked it from my readers to read this one, but I have recieved some emails from people being concerned on this matter so I thought I would speak my peace. It's about my weight. Yes...i have gained weight. Not a lot, not a little. But enough to make my jeans tight. My clothes don't fit and things feel uncomfortable. But not me. I'M not uncomfortable. For the first time in my life, if you all know me, i am NOT on a diet. Not any kind. Not taking pills, not looking on the back of a box for the calorie count...not even yogurt! Even though I joined the gym, if one day I don't feel like going I won't go and i DON'T feel guilty. I joined it cause I actually MISSED it from back home (i know!) And you know what...that feels good. It feels like a HUGE weight (no pun intended) has been lifted from me. I don't have to worry about fitting into a costume, or thinking about if the director is going to want me for a role depending on my size. I can actually eat and ENJOY the food. Ok, maybe I am enjoying a bit too much, but it's like I've NEVER done it before so I am splurging. I guess it must be in my genes that the weight comes on quickly or something. And I have finally come to terms with myself that that is OK. It's ok because I am beautiful, and I am smart, and I am talented and I have a lot to offer. I should NEVER be judged by my weight and people shouldn't like me for how much I weigh. I love myself and because of that, others should love me too. It took me a LONG LONG LONG time to get to this point in my life, but I love food. I can't help it. And I don't want ANYONE to take my passion for food away from me. And if it means being 20 lbs heavier than the "average" then SO BE IT. And you know what...I AM NOT FAT! Wake up people in this world! I am normal. I like myself the way I am. I know there will always be a part of me that "feels fat" or wants to lose weight, but don't we all? No matter how thin we are? But your weight doesn't make you who YOU are. I am me...not my weight. So, I'm going to be me..and enjoy me...and wake up every morning and be thankful I'm healthy enough to eat the good food that I can actually make now and eat without guilt! I can't live my life anymore thinking about how fat I am...it's no way to live. To all of you who are concerned with me gaining weight...THANK YOU for the emails and your love...but I am actually enjoying my life because i CAN eat which is something i have ALWAYS loved but could never fully enjoy it til now. I guess i just needed to be out of my normal environment to realize that I could enjoy myself. I have to thank my friends here in France who have listened to me gab about this and cry about this. You have truely been my support through this and you are all right. Thank you and I owe you the world. Feel free to comment on this if you care. If not...thanx for letting me vent ;)